Selective Culture Shock

Tonight, as I swiped my magnetic apartment key in order to enter the building, I thought to myself, "I think there are some things about French culture that I will never get used to."  As I walked up the flight of stairs to my first floor apartment - because in France, the entry level is NOT the first floor - I contemplated my culture shock.

I can't get used to the fact that when I approach a store clerk to ask a question, it must be done in a deferential manner.  "Excusez-moi, Madame, " I have learned to say, "I'm so sorry to bother you."  Then, I wait for her response.  If it seems favorable, I continue with my question.  If not, I abort my mission and approach someone else. As an American, this seems ridiculous! Doesn't she want my money?  But, as multiple books and websites will tell you, it's not about the money.  In the US it might be the customer who has the power, but in France, it is the shopkeeper who reigns supreme.  This is something I just can't seem to wrap my mind around.

Another element causing me culture shock is that the French do NOT apologize, or in any way admit fault.  Example:  During choir rehearsal, someone invariably will sing a wrong note, or an incorrect rhythm.  When someone else makes them aware of their mistake, they actually refute it, explaining why they had committed an error - the music is too small, we had previously been in a different key and the music didn't properly indicate that we had modulated, etc - rather than just saying, "you're right."  As Matt so articulately put it once when ranting about this particular facet of French culture, "It's like they're five years old!"  By this, he was referring to their absolute denial of error, even when faced with facts and evidence to the contrary. In the US, not admitting fault is seen negatively.  When someone does not admit their mistakes, I usually assume that they're unaware that they've made a mistake, which leads me to believe that their learning curve is a flat line.  In France, however, to admit fault is to show weakness.  I absolutely can't adjust to this.

By the time I entered my apartment, I had decided that it is just these two things about the French culture that I can't get over.  As I began to put away the groceries that I had just purchased, I came across the bottle of wine that I had brought home.  The bottle of wine that I bought for 1 euro and 44 centimes.  The bottle of wine that I hadn't really wanted to buy, but the store was all out of the type that I usually get for 92 centimes.  "Well," I thought to myself, "I do like THAT part of French culture.  Wine is cheap."

Cheap wine then got me thinking (in more ways that one).  There are a lot of things that I really like and admire about French culture.  Other than the obvious plethora of museums, monuments, chateaus and art works of historical significance, I like the great planning that goes into everything they do.  The children learn to write in cursive, and never print.  They are taught to keep things neat and orderly, and that includes themselves.  France may be known for its high fashion, but even just taking the metro to work is a wonderful way to see some very beautiful clothes, which can all be purchased for a reasonable price.

While fashion, food, ad museums are all wonderful, what I really admire about French culture is the belief in the importance of community that they have, and the belief that individual acts play a crucial role in the creation of community.  Many Americans are adamantly against socialism, and it can not be denied that France is indeed a socialist country.  While I'm not much for politics, and don't wish to get into it here, what I have noticed is this:  The French help their poor, and they believe it is their civic duty to do so.  Certainly, the French are not overjoyed to see a bum on the street, however, they don't seem to have the attitude that many Americans have (myself included from time to time) of, "Get a job, whino!"  The French appear to think something along the lines of, "The poor will always be with us.  This will not change.  We should do what we can to improve their lot in life, as everyone has the right to life."  In fact, if someone sees a homeless person on the street who is in dire need - perhaps they have no blankets and it's very cold, or they are gravely ill, or starving - it is against the law for the passerby not to call the French equivalent of 911.  In addition to this, of course, is the universal health care guaranteed by the state.  As one French person told me, "It is such a terrible thing to be sick, or to have an operation.  One shouldn't have to deal with a heavy financial burden on top of that."

After reflecting on all of the things that I admire about French culture, I realized that I have not experienced one single bit of culture shock regarding anything that I view as positive.  Although occasionally it can be frustrating that the minute I leave my apartment, I have to speak French all day, I genuinely enjoy the challenge.  In realizing that I've only experienced culture shock regarding things I don't like about French culture - more specifically , things that I prefer about American culture - I feel much better about the whole thing.  After all, when you sell your old car and buy a new one, there will always be things you miss about the old car, even though you like the new one.  There's never going to be anything that is, in every single way, better than something else.  So, you just have to figure out what's important to you, and find something, someone, or someplace that is best in those particular things.  So, I guess it's okay that I've had to learn to maneuver through various levels of niceties just to buy a loaf of bread.  I never really cared about bread, anyway!