Cultural Refinement

In my on-going adjustment to French culture, my interactions with children have been the most positive. I'm a little surprised at this, because I'm the first person in the world to admit that children can be insufferable. They are, among other things, selfish, belligerent, and rude.  

I'd like to pause and discuss the meaning of the word "rude".  In saying that children are rude, I was, of course, referring the the fact that children say hurtful, disrespectful things at least once a day.  But it's the secondary meaning of "rude" that I've come to appreciate here in France: without culture, learning or refinement.  With this meaning in mind, it is the rudeness of children that make them open to learning, and to interacting with me without judgement.  

We often think of refinement as the ability to judge a good wine or a superb taste in fine leather goods.  This is not refinement.  Refinement is what makes us socially adept within our culture.  Refinement gives us the ability to navigate the social world, obtaining what we want, making connections with those we need.  At birth, all humans are the same.  People are people in every corner of the world.  What makes us different as we grow is how our culture affects us.  Culture teaches us which traits are valued, and which are undesirable.  Additionally, culture gives us social tools to mask our less-than-optimal characteristics.  Unfortunately for those of us trying to acclimate to a new environment, not only do all of the different cultures of the world have different social customs for masking bad qualities; they have different opinions on which qualities are bad.  It is through the process of refinement that we are able to internalize our society's ideals of good and bad traits, as well as learn to optimize ourselves.  Here in France, without my language, culture, profession, friends and family, I am not refined.  As it turns out, I have a lot in common with all of those selfish, belligerent and rude children. 

Being rude, selfish and belligerent are part of human nature. These characteristics do not vanish in adulthood, they simply become hidden away in a person's undisclosed self.  Qualities such as these, which are tucked away from the world, can not be openly addressed. Thus, while children can be so insufferable, it is through their very outward opinionated declarations that they are able to be challenged and thus have the opportunity to become better people. 

And so it is that I enjoy the children of France so much more than the adults: when they have an assumption about me, they state it matter-of-factly. I rebut it, and they are able to draw their own conclusions. Whatever their decision, I appreciate being given the opportunity to candidly discuss my perspective. It's quite rare that an adult, in any part of the world, will give you that opportunity.